Essential work.

3.26.20

Dear dad,

There are a lot of things to think about in quarantine. I honestly don’t know how extroverts handle it. I am sure the challenge for them is its own beast. I cannot speak to their frustration, but for my fellow introverts, the abyss is our own minds. We edge ever so closely to the cliff with every question, wonder, analysis, what if, idea, etc. I feel especially near the depths today. You know that sense you get approaching an unrecoverable fall from a great height. It’s almost like you’ve convinced yourself you’ve already fallen off, legs forget they ought to be holding your weight, eyes cannot help but pull you over. The utter vastness enthralls you and sucks you in as a vacuum. The danger singing a lullaby. At the very last moment, the trance is broken. A wave of fear bordering awe rushes through every sinew of your being. Awe at how seemingly powerless you can be in your own body. Betrayed by your own mind.

How am I to understand being nonessential? The virus has called those deemed essential to put their very selves on the line. What about the rest of us? What would the essential workers have us do?

I float upon the ocean of lessons, insights, reminders, silver linings, joys, revelations, recommendations, awarenesses, redemptions, losses, challenges, realizations, and simply time granted in isolation, just waiting for the one to pull me under and crush me under its weight. However, if I close my eyes and listen closely to the quiet, I can hear the most intimate of whispers…

“You are essential to Me.”

I am free from the fear of drowning in guilt, from the paralysis of productivity, from the sloth of self-pity, from the madness of uncertainty. And only one question remains.

What is my essential work?

Love,

Lauren

larry_saj6Author

"Surely man at his best is a mere breath." -King David I am a mere breath God has graciously gifted to be His daughter first, a daughter and sister, a friend, an athlete, a writer, a coach. I hope to be a full-time professional soccer player, write a book or two, be a lifelong learner, work for a sports and faith ministry, coach college soccer, have a family and maybe even pick up the guitar. My dad died when I was a sophomore in college. Writing became especially important to me after his death, helping me grieve and heal. I find writing letters to him has helped me process deep emotions and pain I didn't really know what to do with. My hope is the letters will share experiences that speak to and shine a light into the lives and stories of others in some way.

3 thoughts on “Essential work.

  1. Free to be essential to Thee!!!
    Larry, I’m loving your posts. Thanks for the encouragement through your sharing.

    As an extrovert I’ve been challenged and energized by the realization that I have new space and time during “shelter in place.” I have unique opportunities to spend longer, uninterrupted time with the Creator of the Universe and lover of my soul!!!

    That has led me to the realization that the most loving thing I can to for my neighbor is to stay home. The most essential service I can provide is prayer… and through it all I’m “in the presence of the Most High (Ps 91). A balm for the extrovert.

    Again, thanks for sharing and praying for the introvert’s communion with Him. Enjoy the freedom.

    1. Mr. B!!!!!!! What an unmerited gift, thank you so much for your thoughtful and encouraging note. “the most essential service I can provide is prayer.” Wow. How counter cultural this is and how incredibly humbling for us. I will definitely be taking in some Psalm 91.

      Please tell all the gang hello for me. Hope everyone is doing well 🙂

  2. Free to be essential to Thee!!!

    Larry, I’m loving your posts. Thanks for the encouragement through your sharing.

    As an extrovert I’ve been challenged and energized by the realization that I have new space and time during “shelter in place.” I have unique opportunities to spend longer uninterrupted time with the Creator of the Universe and lover of my soul!!!

    That realization has led me to the discovery that the most loving thing I can do for my neighbor is stay home. The most essential service I can provide is prayer … and through it all this extrovert is “in the presence of the Most High God (Psalm 91). A sweet salve for my soul.

    Again, thanks for sharing and I’m praying for the introvert’s communion with Him. Enjoy the freedom.

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