Men like trees.

3.1.20

Dear dad,

I believe, Lord, help my unbelief. [Mark 9:24]

But blessed are your eyes, because they see; and your ears, because they hear. [Mt. 13:16]

I see, Lord, help my blindness.

I hear, Lord, help my deafness.  

Every time I think I see, I am reminded I see little.

Every time I think I hear, I am reminded I hear little.

Every time I think I understand, I am reminded I hear little.

Father Jim once spoke, “let us love the little we know.”

Right now might be the hardest its been to love the little I know. Well seemingly the hardest, up to this point in my life. Because the little I know is the only thing I do not want to know. Don’t want to admit is true. I know I am not yet the version of myself to love a man of God the way I want to nor the way he deserves. It is true, there is no perfect timing. There will always be something that seems out of place. This does not determine the right time. No, I believe the only thing that determines the right time is my status of being and becoming. Who am I in this moment and how am I becoming who I was created to be? Right timing abides in the answers, but it is unknown because there is no timeline. Growth is not linear. There are moments of arrival, not to suggest completion but to encourage persistence and endurance. Growth is in all directions, up, out, down, within. Much like a tree as its roots dig deeper and spread wider, its branches reach higher and grow thicker. Sometimes much activity goes unnoticed, being harbored underground and unseen. This might be the most significant, indeed.

The little I know is there is growth to be had before by desire can be fulfilled. How long until that right time is the maddening unknown. No timeline, no steps.

And he looked up and said, “I see men, for I see them like trees, walking around.”   [Mark. 8:24]

I believe, Lord, help my unbelief.

Love, Lauren

larry_saj6Author

"Surely man at his best is a mere breath." -King David I am a mere breath God has graciously gifted to be His daughter first, a daughter and sister, a friend, an athlete, a writer, a coach. I hope to be a full-time professional soccer player, write a book or two, be a lifelong learner, work for a sports and faith ministry, coach college soccer, have a family and maybe even pick up the guitar. My dad died when I was a sophomore in college. Writing became especially important to me after his death, helping me grieve and heal. I find writing letters to him has helped me process deep emotions and pain I didn't really know what to do with. My hope is the letters will share experiences that speak to and shine a light into the lives and stories of others in some way.

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