Dear heart.

Sometimes the weight of glory is too much to carry. It can feel as standing in quicksand, a rope under your neck, chains around your feet, your heart being choked. Or a cross on your back. Knowing you are not enough to bear it leaves you empty and hopeless. The tunnel seems to go on forever. It is like being lost at sea with no sight of land, no sound of anything but the laughter of the waves as they roll one after the other to the beach, keeping the secret of the oasis. You want to yell and scream at them to tell you, tell you the way and how to escape this dungeon of sorrow, this expanse of grief. All seems to be watching you. The eyes of the universe locked into your next move, wondering if you will find the way but already knowing the ending. This story has been read before, but there is still suspense. You still want to implore the character to go this way and not to fall for the trap. Though it is agonizing when he doesn’t listen and chooses the same path that hurt him already, you continue to watch. Maybe he will get it the next time. Maybe the ending doesn’t have to be the same. Maybe it can still be better.

The universe is watching you and you watch the character. As you silently communicate your hope the character will triumph, so the universe silently communicates its hope to you. A message on the wind. If only you could see what is all around you, past the bitterness and despair as dense as thick fog. How can you stand to wait for it to lift? How much longer can you search for a ray of light or listen for a whisper of relief before you crumble altogether under the weight. Don’t fall for it, you implore the character, keep on. Take courage and hang on this time a little bit longer. I know the ending, and it is good, I promise.

The character is you.

As a Christian, I believe the ending is good. I have that enduring hope and though the weight of glory seems to squeeze and hammer it until nothing is left, yet it remains. Love offers to bear the weight for me, to take the cross on its back. With this Love, I am not alone; I am whole, holding onto hope.

Love,

Lauren

P.S.- “weight of glory” belongs to a book title written by C.S. Lewis, recommend reading!

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