Truth and dare.

Dear dad,

Womanhood hit pretty hard today and can’t say I feel too fond of myself. Besides the physical wrath, the mental and emotional assault was quite intense too. I was thinking about the scene in “Mockingjay Part II” where Peeta joins the star squad with Katniss in the Capital. He is explaining that he has a hard time figuring out what is real and not real because his memories have been changed by the tracker jacker venom. Katniss and Finnick tell him he can just ask them to help him. Then, later, he explains the memories that have been changed seem to be shiny in his mind, like they have been glossed over.

I’m wondering if something similar applies to thoughts not only during parts of the cycle when things seem extra crazy but all the time, to men and women day to day. How do we know which of our thoughts reflect the truth or truths of life and those that don’t? How is it that we know which of our thoughts tells us the reality of who we are and our place in this world? Even in our choices and decisions, what thoughts come from one place and what thoughts come from another? I’m not sure that there is a general “how to” for everyone. In The Alchemist, it says if you listen to your heart and understand its ways, it can never be deceiving to you or betray you. I think this is true. This means we have to listen and be real about the not so spotless parts as well- doubts, fears, anger, jealousy, envy, selfishness, and straight ugliness. Maybe it is as simple as paying attention and listening. Being real with someone and trusting them with your truest and deepest thoughts. I was talking to a friend, and she told me something she was embarrassed about, thought she was crazy for thinking it. But when she said it, it wasn’t crazy at all really. It didn’t surprise me, and not because I know her well and it was something she would think but because it was very human. We are afraid of ourselves though, afraid of our humanity, so we all put faces on. We think to ourselves that no one else could possibly think this way or relate. Or we just ignore the bad stuff because it is contrary to the moral and “good” people we are. We distract ourselves from the depths, don’t talk about the ugly things and then they become shocking to us; when the reality is, they’re not quite shocking at all.

I love you,


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